feeling more myself

I had a rough ride there for a while - Jude had been increasingly more difficult to put to sleep and STAY asleep (20 minute naps don't cut it). I was getting more exhausted, frustrated with him and especially poor Ethan, who on all counts is a good boy but is also a typical toddler and can be trying at times. I just felt that all efforts juggling baby and toddler were for naught, that I was a sinking ship and sucking at this motherhood stuff - the very stuff I hold deepest and sacred in my heart and being. Putting it that way, no wonder I was feeling blue and sinking in the deep end.

I then bit the bullet and gave Jude the same (modified) Cry It Out (CIO) treatment that Ethan got at the same age. It was successful, worked quickly, and we've all come out of the experience better, more rested, and happier. Jude's sleeping for much longer stretches because he's able to easily settle himself back to sleep between sleep cycles. He also goes down to sleep much easier than he did before. I therefore have much more time and PATIENCE for Ethan, which is a gift to us both. And I'm genuinely enjoying being with both boys again. I remember the feelings, last CIO go around, how life changing the process is. And its true. Its hard, no doubt about it, but we're all thriving like someone finally let the sunshine in and our flowers are turned towards the window, basking.

Anyway, we just got back from our walk in said sunshine; Ethan's down for a nap and I'm about to feed Judie. Then he'll have a nap and I'll get to go sit outside (with baby monitor) and snooze a short while in the sunshine.

And I'll tell you, that sun feels pretty damn good.